Friday, October 17, 2014

Three Things You Learn To Say/Do After Turning 30

I'm currently 33 years old and although I'm not wise or super experienced, I have learned a lot from my mistakes and from well, as cliche as it sounds "growing up". Here is my take on what you learn after you turn 30.

1. Learn to say NO. Saying no is harder than you think and depending on the situation you can be called out as a "bitch" or "selfish" or "mean" but honestly you need to learn how to say no. Now there's many ways on saying no and I found the best way is to give a short and truthful explanation with the reply of "no". That way you are honest with the other person and giving a reason why you're saying no. This applies to saying: No at work, No to a bff, No to a family member, or No to an overbooked social calendar. Saying "No" is NOT about harming anyone or being offensive but saying this instead: "I have my limit, I know what I want, and I had experienced this before so I know what to expect". Try saying no to small things and work your way up, and if someone is offended it's fine. They will get over it. This is about what you can do for that person/situation and sticking to your guns, simple as that.

2. Jealousy and how to deal with it. I am an avid reader of Cupcakes and Cashmere and she had a post about turning 30 and dealing with jealousy. It was a fantastic one paragraph insight on what she thinks and why, and I completely agree with her. As you get older, the "youngins" will come up the ladder and that is completely normal and the way of life; whether this is at work or in relationships/dating, or at parties/events, etc. There will ALWAYS be someone better than you in whatever you hone your skill in/take pride in. Someone will always be prettier, taller, better skin, hotter body, well dressed, more knowledgeable in sports or fashion, smarter, more tech savvy, etc. The best thing is to accept it graciously and move on. Don't fight it, don't challenge it/him/her, don't drive yourself crazy with it in other words. And you know what the best part is? YOU now have experience b/c you're in your 30s or 40s or 50s you can teach someone or take someone under your wing. Ta-da! But only do this with someone you do care about or want to help NOT out of spite/some weird competition/etc because things can turn ugly. Also, focus more on what is important to you and what makes your happy. When you are focused, positive, and happy you are NOT in an ugly cycle of jealousy. Trust me. So take a moment back and reflect on your own life and if you want to make improvements than go ahead and do that. Jealousy is just a feeling and remember only YOU can control it.

3. If you're not happy with your life, CHANGE IT NOW. Sounds obvious right? But nope they're people out there that suffer in silence or too lazy or in denial or whatever it is. I'll tell you another thing too; YOU'RE NOT GETTING YOUNGER. I know mean right, but that's the truth. Plus there's a thing called, resentment. And that's the worst, that and regret. Of course you cannot change ALL things like grow 6 more inches or make 100k extra or anything like that, but if you have the power and knowledge to change something in your life then do it. Work on it little by little, that's okay. Make small changes, that's fine too. Try and try again, till you get the hang of it. Don't like where you are/how you're life is; sit down and make a plan and move with it. Don't just talk the talk because no one can do it for you. ONLY you can do it for yourself. Because if you don't make any changes and just suffer inside you'll resent anyone around you, especially your loved ones. And then you get older and what else do you feel besides the obvious regret, you feel and become bitter. Trust me, I know people like this. So again if you're sincerely not happy with your life and you know in your heart you CAN do something, than do it. Yes, it's scary. Yes, you'll have to come out of your comfort zone, Yes, you will/can fail, Yes it's not easy but trust me, you'll feel much better in the end that you tried and did it than to have no tried at all.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Playing the Game...

I'm going to first say, this is only what I've learned and my experience in my life, NOT saying this is all true or all instances. And this isn't for young vs old vs race vs money vs education etc, playing the game can be at any stage in your life. (unless you're in a monogamous marriage for 20+ years/grandparents, etc)

I've met and interacted with a lot of people and some of them are honestly CLUELESS when it comes to "playing the game" in a relationship/dating. (Hook ups are different, it's just sex so there should be NO feelings involved...)

1. One the first few and i mean FEW dates, DON'T act 100% yourself. All that weird idiosyncrasies, habits, FB stalking, habits, fears, etc keep it inside of you. Deep inside. The first few dates is just a "hi, i like you so let's go out to drink or dinner" NOT okay future husband, here's my baggage/drama/deal. You scare off the person and they go thinking, "yikes what the fuck is wrong with this person?" AND they will tell others how "weird" you are and spread the word around. You don't want a bad reputation right from the beginning right? We're just getting started here.

2. Definitely have a little "hard to get" when things are going well/in the beginning. Dating in the beginning is a game. You don't want to be too easy because then they get bored and think you're an easy catch, but if you play too much of ice princess you're going to get dumped because honestly there's plenty of fish out there. And you're not special, period. So remember to push and pull a bit but don't over do it.

3. DON'T start thinking he/she is the best person in the world and you're in love forever and going to be Mrs. blah blah blah. Remember this is the honeymoon stage OF COURSE it's all rainbows and kittens. Just take it day by day and moment by moment and cherish it and enjoy it. No need to start thinking about the future and how perfect this person is. Remember: Low expectations, that way when you find out someone is fantastic (and truly is) you'll be pleasantly surprised and happy.

4. When things don't work out and you've already "had the talk", it's honestly time to move on.  It basically means one thing really: they don't care and/or disregards your feelings/requests. You can't change people and you can't control people, it has to come within that person. OR that person isn't for you.

5. Texting: in this world of texting there's so many silly rules we should follow or whatnot and sadly to say it works. lol. I can't exactly pinpoint the "rules" but put it simply, don't over text and text paragraphs to you new piece. Definitely do the text here and there and allowing one to respond back. I think a good rule is 48 hours, but that's just me. If someone texts you at night usually after 9pm sorry but it's a BOOTY CALL. Sorry sister/brother but it's not because they want a relationship rather to get laid. Stop fooling yourself. Also, if there's something important, big, good/bad news, it's better to talk in person. Texting like e-mail has no real voice or emotion and you cannot see their body language.

6.  My father told me this a long time ago and I know it's kinda fucked up and even sexist (from his point of view) but know what you want, and know what you're looking for. Are you looking for a hook up/fuck buddy? A boyfriend/girlfriend but nothing too serious? Husband/Wife/Partner type? Once you know what you're looking for at your own stage in life, you'll be able to make better choices. And I'm a firm believer that there is that different type of person for you throughout your life.

7. Lastly.......if you get rejected/dumped/blocked/whatever it made be cry and reflect (it's OKAY!) and then move on. Life isn't perfect and everyone makes mistakes and things don't work out and timing isn't right and so forth. It's honestly okay to feel bad and shitty and sad, ALLOW the pain to come out. And after some time (whatever that may be to you) pick yourself up again and go out there, remember there's SOOO many people out there, don't be afraid!